Being Absent When a Pet Dies
One year ago my dog, Blue, died from internal parasites and heartworm disease. Just before he passed, he alerted my mother while I was still asleep. My mom and brother took him to the vet and I ended up waiting at home. When they returned, I found out that he didn't make it. The fact that I wasn't there to say that I love him haunts me to this day. I need to know, somehow, if he forgives me.
For someone who was prevented from being with her pet at the end of his life, your reaction is absolutely normal. It’s possible that your preoccupation with his death is due to your frustration that you were not able to be there. Having to wait at home without being able to say good-bye makes most people feel angry, guilty and helpless.
I suggest you have an honest talk with your mother and brother. Find out why you were not included in that trip to the vet. You can also take some time to learn more about preventing heartworm so that this won't happen to your next dog.
Have you tried writing Blue a letter that expresses your grief and tells him exactly what happened to keep you away? It’s in the nature of dogs to forgive people. You may have to work harder to forgive yourself.