Ask Dr. LaFarge: How Long Is the Grieving Process When a Pet Dies?
My first pet was born in February 1974, just a few months before I was. She lived until March 1995, and I was extremely lucky that she graced my entire childhood and early adult years with her presence. It has been 12 years now since she has passed, and sometimes I still become emotional when I see something that reminds me of her. Most often the memories are happy, but I was wondering if it is “normal” for me to have grieved for so long.
—Carrie
Not only is it “normal” for you to have deeply felt memories of your dog, Carrie, it is sign of a wonderfully rich inner life. As we age, it is appropriate to revisit previous stages of our lives. Since your dog's life span coincided with a very formative phase of your life, you are probably experiencing emotions that encompass more than just your feelings for her.
You might want to explore certain reflective activities like journaling or writing down your memories of your childhood. You are lucky to have access to them through your connection to your dog. Perhaps you have family or friends who can share their recollections of her with you.
Thank you for your email, Carrie. It helped to remind many of us at the ASPCA why our relationship with animals is so important.
—Carrie
Not only is it “normal” for you to have deeply felt memories of your dog, Carrie, it is sign of a wonderfully rich inner life. As we age, it is appropriate to revisit previous stages of our lives. Since your dog's life span coincided with a very formative phase of your life, you are probably experiencing emotions that encompass more than just your feelings for her.
You might want to explore certain reflective activities like journaling or writing down your memories of your childhood. You are lucky to have access to them through your connection to your dog. Perhaps you have family or friends who can share their recollections of her with you.
Thank you for your email, Carrie. It helped to remind many of us at the ASPCA why our relationship with animals is so important.
Labels: ASPCA
posted by ASPCA at 11:06 AM PERMALINK
13 Comments:
I think the agree that the grieving prossess is a long time. My old dog died over a year ago and I still miss her very much. It is normal to miss your pets, and everyone heals at their own speed.
-Austin
I know losing a dog is very painful. Although the dog i have now is still alive, my parents and grandpa still call my dog Bobby. Bobby was my dad's dog that died two years ago. Sometimes, they still get sad when we talk about him. I hope you get better. Getting another dog or puppy will help. I know it won't be the same, but the new dog or puppy will amuse you with their antics.
I lost my beloved EWAH 3 years ago, not a day passes that I don't think of him and smile. Sometimes I too become emotional, he was after all my best pal, never knew he was a dog, loved to fly with me and life was an experience he relished. I have dogs now, but none will ever replace the memories and joy of EWAH.
Vicki
i had a boston terrier for about 5 years. she was old when i got her. over the summer we were out of state working and my mother called me and said that she thought it was her "time" and what was going on with her. I knew I couldn't let her suffer and what had to be done. When we returned home me and my oldest went to pick her body up a the vets office and give her a burial. To this day when I see a boston terrier or we talk about her I stil get emotional and miss her so much. We do have to other dogs,and they even miss her, which is weird to say but they look for her when we say her name and they cry too. I will have another boston terrier, but nothing will ever replace my Candi Sue. Grieve as long and as much as you want and always remember that friend you had and the good times and happiness they brought you.
The grieving process is very individual. I have lost 3 cats in my lifetime, but Tiffany who I lost in Sept. 2006 was different. She was my best friend for 14 years and she took a piece of my heart with her. I still have 3 cats now, but I still grieve for my Tiff. We had a "once in a lifetime bond" that I don't know if I will ever have with another pet. All of my animals are spoiled and loved, but Tiffany was my "heart".
Why is it that when you lose a "human" family member, people are very sympathetic, but when you lose an "animal" member of your family, people say stupid things like, "it was just a dog/cat."
To me they are not pets, they are just as much a part of my family as my parents, children, friends.
I was devistated when a national pet hospital caused my cat, of 12 years to go from 20 pounds to 4 pounds in a few months and I had to put him to sleep. I finally couldn't take the emptiness at home any longer, and my new car is wonderful, but she is not a replacement for my Buddha that I lost, but she sure has helped fill the emptiness and I love her very much too.
Austin, yes it is normal to miss your pet/s after they move on. I lost my dear pet iguana two years ago, two days before Thanksgiving. I still grieve over my loss. So, I feel ya.
It is natural to grieve over a lost pet and there is no set time when the grieving process will end because it never will. My first pet died when I was like 5 years old and I'm 26 and it still hurts me sometimes when I see cats that looked like her. To be perfectly honest you never get over the grieving process, you just learn to move on and be happy that they're in a better place. It may hurt when you grieve but the hurt does go away in time.
ive lost many animals in my life because i have a farm just a gentlemans farm with animals people dont want or need anymore we take them and in and i get attached to animals because i love them too muchand recently on 4.25.07 my dog i had all my life got put down and i didnt know about it or wasnt told it and then for somereason i could feel it and started randomly crying at school because i knew it happened. so i can only imagine how close you and your dog were =[ and i think the grieving process goes for a long time because im still even sad about my dog toby i lost when i was about 5
I put my beloved baby down 2/16/07 thanks to the Iams recall. I miss him like crazy and people wonder why I still cry over him? But, everyone grieves at their own speed and especially when you watch your cat go from happy, crazy, cat to barely breathing and collapsing, it really takes a toll on you. Sometimes the pain is too much, but then I have to remember that Whiskers is in a better place and he is healthy again.
We just had to our beloved dog Lucky down 2/21/08 and it happened so quick. She hadn't been sick a day in her life and all of a sudden her neck swelled; after 2 weeks of trying to find someone to tell us, our specialist did an ultrasound and found malignant cancer that had already mestasized. We couldn't let her suffer so we had to put her to sleep. She was my Dad's dog and in my life for 10 years. I think I will always miss her and it's been hard. Not near recovering from this.
I still feel extremly sad about my dog. He died 3 months ago and I feel that everyone has moved on with their lives except for me. Whenever I talk about him people look at me like I am making harder by thinking about him. Yes, I am two weeks from my due date, but I feel I have lost my first child, my dog. I had a lot of wonderful expectations for the new baby and my doggy, now I feel like... I don't know...like everything is the same but there is an inmense emptiness in my life. I dream about him all the times, I cry often, I constanly wish he was here. Does this feeling ever subside? I miss him so much, and although I am very happy with my first human baby, I feel very sad for the loss of my dog. I mean it was nearly 10 years of love and learning each others personalities, it's like we knew what each other was feeling with one look, I know it sounds crazy but i received incredible comfort and love from him and now I feel alone. I just want to know if everyone feels like this or if it's me. I also feel like he knew I was pregnant and just let himself go, because he was nearly 13 years old and was in excellent conditions and then when I was about two months pregnant he just got very sick, from no where.
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